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Don't Fix, Just Listen.
Posted On 08/10/2010 11:34:07 by Patchwork

Well, if you can find this inbetween all the....shall I say "Stuff". I thank you.

The other afternoon my father asked me to join him and my mother for dinner. My panic button immediatly went off.  Now part of the back story to this is:

I share a house with my parents where I have seperate living quarters and a door (which I had put in) that protects me when needed. Most of the time. Usually.

One of the effects of my depression, besides the panic attacks, anxiety.......etc, is I'm light and sound sensitive. Very light and sound sensitive. Places like O'Charley's and Applebee's are sensory overload to me. I'd rather you scrape your nails down a chalk board. Twice. How long have I had this? 10 years - How long have we lived together? 10 years.

Now I know Dad's invitation is meant as his gift, it's a gift that we have discussed many, many times. So when he asked this last time and the idea hit my button, it was all I could do to say, "I'll let you know later." Then I laid down on my bed hugging a pillow and cried.

Later I reminded Dad (again) of my condition - Now this is my Issue! "I thought you might change you mind", he says. CHANGE MY MIND? Silly dad.

Do you ask a recovering alcoholic if they can drink yet?

Do you ask someone with a broken back if they can lift boulders yet?

My first reaction was to be mad and scream, "Have you not heard what I've told you?" I find it very frustrating (among other things) to have to repeat this senerio. And why do I, the mentally diseased, have to keep explaining to the mentally eased, what my limits are. If I can remember what I can't do, why can't they. 

I know that most people have an autopilot reflex (or is it reflux) to try and "fix" someone's problems. Especially fathers but, geez. For the energy it took me to recover from the invitation and the discussion we could have shared several nice take-home meals from what-ever the restuarant.

So that leaves me and many others too, trying to handle not only my limits and foibles but my family's and other "Fixers" as well.

Don't Fix, Just Listen.

patchwork

 

 

Don't fix, just listen!

 

Tags: Panic Understanding



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Viewing 1 - 4 out of 4 Comments

From: Sarah171
08/15/2010 16:08:40

I understand how you feel about the"sensory overload" I have exactly the same problem.  I have always been "hypersensitive" and no one in my family understands it either.

From: sroth313
08/13/2010 14:53:29

Hi Patchwork...I know both sides of this very well.. I can relate to the not being able to take certain lights..I can't go to malls etc.. I am also a parent who wants to "fix everything" ..  I think it is in the contract when you give birth.. Yet, a parent has to learn and we usually learn the hard way that we should shut up and listen.. Weird thing, my Dad actually taught me that a few yrs ago when my kids were turning 20..Everyone was telling me to just listen and it is their turn to make mistakes,,

  I agree with you that it should be more supportive and some understanding.. All I can say to you is..

  ((( I AM LISTENING..I can't fix it..Only you can.. Hugggggzzzzz)))))

From: MikeLong
08/10/2010 13:27:33

I've found it is very difficult to relate to other people what you go through when you are not mentally well.  One aspect I think you should consider is that your Dad is probably just trying to help and that he cares about you.  Without the support of my parents I probably wouldn't be able to function on the level I am right now.  I love them a lot even when they push for things that set me off.  Hope you find some middle ground where you can communicate the noise issue to your father.

From: drxjm
08/10/2010 11:52:22

WOW!  I completely understand where you are coming from.  The panic triggers for me are more about dealing with people.  BUT my daughter can't handle big places like a mall or a store very long as it starts her sensory overload.  This whole school year she was on cope and autopilot.  Her private school was not very cooperative and their answer for every challenge was "are you all in family counseling?"  Like how is that going to help her chemical imbalance (and it was determined by a counselor that SHE needed counseling alone not us as a family) and the other issues we are working on... SHEESH... Sometimes the mentally 'eased' I think have more problems accepting what we deal with daily more than we who are at dis-ease do.


As for your dad being the way he is... No parent wants to accept a child's obstacles.  Some of us who have the dis-ease and challenges ourselves come to grips with reality far quicker than those who haven't.  Some parents are still in the "sweep it under the rug" era... And others feel that there aren't any scientific basis for these diagnosises but rather a drug company's scam to get money money money...


I hope he learns... and bravo for you for taking a time out for yourself to gather your emotions and then dealing with the situation.

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