Saturday was the much awaited concert. I took my daughter of 13. We had a good time. She thanked me repeatedly. I didn't enjoy it as much as I would have liked to; I have had a lot on my mind.

Sunday my husband felt ill. We both spent most of the day resting up from the show, watching football, and lounging.

Monday my husband had to stay home from work. He was very sick and slept most of the day. He needs a different job. His illness keeps his immune system busy and he can't fight what you and I can. I worried all day Monday.

Today I have had a bad day. I still haven't heard from the job I interviewed for, and I keep wondering what is wrong with me. Why am I not good enough? Why am I not worthy of gainful employment? Not to mention the fact that I am now sick as well...with the cold that hit my husband so hard. I feel awful, I am sad, and I want to cry.

My friend J, who suffers from her own set of chronic illnesses as well as depression, says I should stay positive. Can anyone tell me how to do that? I keep getting suggestions to move somewhere else (can't afford to move again,) go back to school (I'm still in debt for this degree,) and look elsewhere for work (even though teaching is my calling.) I guess this is when I go back to Gloria Steinem and read what she says. Sadly, I have yet to benefit from her advice as I was told I would.

I am trying so hard to keep a positive outlook; I keep looking for work. I'm going stir crazy. If only I could get paid to sit here and write these things...if only they were worth a paycheck.

Yes, I am having a bad day. We all have bad days. You will also have days where it seems life will never be better. That doesn't mean tomorrow will be the same. Maybe tomorrow the phone will ring. Maybe tomorrow I will feel better. Maybe tomorrow I will find a different job, one in which I am the only qualified applicant. Maybe I will win the lottery.

Maybe...is a pretty good word.

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