Posted on my own website blog, but wanted to post this here as well.

I have been in a poor frame of mind the last few months.  I am trying to come to terms with the loss of so many things in my life -- things lost to anxiety and DP and depression and to the absence of a healthy family.  I see friends with grown children -- off to college, getting married, having children of their own.  I see friends with wonderful careers and amazing extended families that seem almost incomprehensible to me; sometimes it seems impossible that these families actually exist.  I see loving families. 

Many friends do not understand what this DP is, some try very hard to understand.  Some are put off by my being so open about my illness, other see my coming forward as helpful to them. Telling it like it is, is very important to me and gives me a great sense of worth.

This is not to take away from the suffering I know nothing about in any of these families.  This is not to take away from the suffering I am aware of in some of these families, some with mentally ill children, and even one friend whose husband is very ill with cancer.  And I will never know of some “lives of quiet desperation.”  I suppose sometimes I choose to see what I wish to see.

But, someone emailed my website today, and though she asked for some advice, she also gave me tips for coping -- very wise tips I haven’t applied recently which are #1 -- to take responsibility for causing some of my own pain.  There is much all of us can do to moderate stress and reduce symptoms; we need many things I’ve talked about in my section on Coping.  I plan to renew my efforts by practicing what I preach. 

Recently I had a horrible episode of DP/DR as the result of comparing the life of another to mine, of devaluing myself, my own accomplishments.  I tried to please someone else instead of focusing on taking care of myself.  I have not been eating properly, exercising, have had too little sleep, and too much coffee.  Such simple things I must do to take care of myself.  

And I feel tremendous grief at the loss of my ability to sing.  I starting to accept what can no longer be, and that regardless I am still a valuable human being.

This acceptance is not surrender.  I have to be realistic and “shine on” in my own way.  We all must learn to value ourselves.

At any rate, the individual who emailed, who helped comfort me used in her mail signature some of the lyrics from a famous Pink Floyd song which resonates deeply with me.  In researching the song, I was reminded of its history, its meaning, and its reflection of my own life ...

From several internet sources combined ....

“Shine On You Crazy Diamond is a nine-part Pink Floyd composition with lyrics written by Roger Waters in tribute to former band member Syd Barrett, and music written by Waters, Richard Wright, and David Gilmour. It was first performed on their 1974 French tour. It was recorded for the 1975 concept album Wish You Were Here. The song was intended to be a side-long composition like "Atom Heart Mother" and "Echoes,” but was ultimately split into two parts and used to bookend the album.

Syd Barrett, who passed away in 2006, was Pink Floyd’s frontman whose declining mental health forced him to leave the band in its early stages.”

So, I post these lyrics here in memory of Syd Barrett who lost his ability to exercise his passion for performing because of what I believe was self-medication of a serious brain disorder -- schizophrenia is my best guess.

If any of this information is incorrect, please contact me and I will correct it, though the story of Syd Barrett’s troubled  life seems to be in some dispute.  Also, please email if you see errors in the lyrics I have posted though I also found that the exact lyrics are also in dispute.

Thanks for hearing me out.  And yes, I am terribly sentimental, and awfully maudlin at times.  But, well, this is who I am -- without apology.

"Remember when you were young

You shone like the sun

Shine on you crazy diamond

Now there's a look in your eyes

Like black holes in the sky

Shine on you crazy diamond

You were caught in the cross fire of childhood and stardom,

Blown on the steel breeze

Come on you target for faraway laughter,

Come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine

You reached for the secret too soon

You cried for the moon

Shine on you crazy diamond

Threatened by shadows at night

And exposed in the light

Shine on you crazy diamond

Well you wore out your welcome with random precision,

Rode on the steel breeze

Come on you raver, you seer of visions,

Come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine."

Tags: Acceptance Selfhelp Depersonalizati On

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