The holidays and depression. It always comes. I wish I had a remote that could fast forward from the Wednesday before Thanksgiving to Jan 3rd. I go all the way to Jan 3rd to avoid the inevitable "what did you do for new year's?" question and the look that I get when I say "nothing". The same goes for Thanksgiving and Christmas. "What did you do for Thanksgiving?" -- "Nothing". "What did you do for Christmas?" -- "Nothing". You should see the look I get. It's somewhere between pity and puzzlement. It's like you can hear them saying "Aww, that's sad" and "What the hell is wrong with you?" at the same time. After 13 years of working with the same people, you would think they would have figured it out by now that I am alone and quit asking. If I didn't know better, I would swear some of them are doing it on purpose.

I always try to prepare myself. Make plans to keep busy. But eventually the actual holiday arrives and I am alone with my thoughts. Thoughts of what everybody else is doing. Even if it is not a traditional celebration... maybe it's a vacation in a warmer climate... maybe it's skiing with friends... it still seems as if everybody has plans with somebody.

And don't even think about talking about it. People don't want to hear about it any more than they want to hear about the homeless or children in poverty. It ruins their little picture of the happy holiday world. So I smile and make everybody comfortable, even though I am in pain.

I don't have a good wrap up, so I'll leave it at that.

Happy Holidays everybody.

Tags: Depression

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