I wish I got the chance to write here more often.. At least then every time I look back at what I have wrote and what I'm about to, things wouldn't have changed so drastically... 

Well I have been doing fairly good until recently. I broke up with my boyfriend. While it has been a tough experience I think it's one of the first mature choices I'v ever made for myself. It still hurts enormously but the fact that I was able to see above my own emotions to better myself makes me feel good. It has been educational I think as well. I really started to see how my anxiety and depression waxed and waned while enduring the ups and downs of our relationship.

I realized I could no longer sacrifice my own mental well being for the sake of someone else. I think it was really hard on him to. He just could not understand why I couldn't just " be normal " sometimes... Still I feel alone and sad though. And yet another part of my life is lost due to the negative stigma of mental dis-ease... Sometimes I feel ashamed that I'm "different " in the mind. I ask myself over and over why I can't just be like everyone else. It's crushing sometimes to realize you are flawed, especially flawed of the mind. It is everyones control center for communication, emotion, thought, mood, everything. And to think it was the partial cause of me losing something that could have been great.... just sucks. 

I suppose I should count my blessings though. I have had more than a few of those lately... I've been making new friends, and establishing better connections with old ones. I'v learned valuable lessons about not only myself but about others and the world that surrounds me everyday. I JUST ( like today ) got a really cute hair cute that has really picked up my self esteem. I'll post pictures of that as soon as I can . I got some terrific new reading material recently.. And a whole bunch of other good little things I just can't bringe to mind but I know they're there .

Well needless to say, I'm looking forward to my current situation turning around in a good way. Who knows perhaps me and Kev can work things out. If not though, when one door closes another many others open. So until next time take care of yourselves and your loved ones. God bless all of you and keep smiling !!

Puddles

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