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REMISSION - 07/27/10

Hi my Name is Adam
I have 19 weeks of no depression
my mental state is in remission
after 1.5 years of therapy and meds

I DIDN'T GIVE UP
when the world seemed like a dark dark place
when it seemed like i was losing the race
I DIDN'T GIVE UP

I DIDN'T GIVE UP
there were many obstacles that tried to derail me
there were many road blocks that wanted to take my freedom away
but i didn't give up and i am free today

I enjoy everyday that is void of depression
I enjoy everyday that greets me with a happy expression
I pray every Sunday for others
I pray every Sunday for your brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers

i am not an overly religious person
but being depression free makes me believe in something
cause the road was bumpy and life threatening at times
but i didn't give up

Don't you give up
cause peace of mind is worth the struggle
i believe in a saying that will be added to my skin soon
in the form of a tattoo on my arm
"what doesn't kill me, will only make me stronger"
something that will remind me of who i am
on days that i need some clarity

but through it all, i remember these 4 words....I DIDN'T GIVE UP

EXPRESSIONS - 04/23/2010

the grass in a bright shade of green
the flowers are reaching for the stars
you are with beings that love you
look at me now, look at me now
its a lovely day
i have a big smile on my face

throw open the blanket
look up into the sea of blue
reality is not in my mind right now
its nude to the world around me

i am one with my creations
i am one with my soulmate
its a day of reckoning of peace for me
the reflection of the sky appears in my eyes
and i dedicate myself to my family
with no words, just expressions

Tags: Depression Mental Illness Poem

YESTERDAY - 04/23/2010

pain needs love
even pain feels lonely sometimes
pain makes you appreciate happiness
happiness used to be my enemy

depression is my heroin
you dont understand unless you feel it within
i used to like being low
its a familiar space that i know
thats where my love flowed
when i wanted to open up to someone

yesterday is dead and buried
the grave digger is throwing dirt on the grave
i stand before the casket and wave
picking up the flowers adourning the plot
breathe their scent deep into my lungs
good bye to confusion of years gone by
good bye to yesterday

Tags: Depression Mental Illness Poem

SOUL - 04/28/10

i rest my soul
evertyime i take a dose
for many meds, i am the host
they control my mind
they help me find
happiness
that i cannot see or attain
on my own
hope was gone
but they have restored peace
to my weary head
tortured for years
by my own brain waves of dire dreams
they are silent for now
the deafening screams
that tore me apart at the seams
4 seasons are pure
living within the boundaries
of medication
keeping me free from instability

Tags: Depression Mental Illness Poem

RESOLUTION - 12/31/09

its going to be a good year next year
say goodbye to the nightmare
look longingly into the sunset of tomorrow

take time to appreciate the ones around me
take time to appreciate the little things
these things are the most important to me
going into a new year

my resolution is to stay healthy
to keep my mind clear of unhappiness
be open and honest with myself
question every single emotion
making sure they have the proper home in my mind

keep my heart open to love
keep my mind open to new beginnings
stay alert for possible pitfalls
watch relationships continue to blossom and thrive

achieve peace like i never have experienced
attain goals that only blessed people can achieve
continue to love myself when i don't want to
battle errors of the past and keep them at bay
stay rich in my surroundings
keep my chin up even when its knocked down

This is a song that i wrote recently called Someday. The song is about that maybe "Someday" i will be normal and not suffer from depression, etc.

Please check it out when you get a minute. I hope you can relate to it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zH53Nz04Ytw

someday

the road will be clear

someday

i won't live in fear

someday

when the end is near

someday

 

someday

i will be understood

someday

not alone in my mental neighborhood

someday

i will love myself for good

 

someday, someday

i will find my way

someday, someday

i will be able to play

someday, someday

but not today

 

someday

my brain won't hurt

someday

I’ll be able to flirt

someday

with infinite happiness

someday

 

someday

i won't be so weak

someday

the world won't look so bleak

someday

i will find the truth i seek

 

(((( CHORUS ))))

 

someday

i wont crave the pain

someday

i wont be insane

someday, someday, someday

but not today

Tags: Music For The Mentally Ill

TRUST - 12/18/2009

hold my hand
look into my eyes
trust me honestly
i repeat, trust me

i understand your pain
i understand the word "insane"
when the wave crashes down
stand firm, i will not let go
you don't even know me, but thats ok

i am the same as you
i am living on the other side of the fence now
i made it somehow
it can be done
it will change one day for the better

i speak from experience
not from blind truth
you can rise up against it
winning and grinning
back to the freedom of normalcy

you need professional help to beat it
you cannot win alone
you are to weak and beaten down to fight back
you are to weak cause it always attacks
i do understand, they might not, but i do
don't expect them to know true anxiety & depression
be thankful they don't understand

you are not suffering alone
i am suffering with you
millions are suffering alone
let's decrease the millions to thousands
but seek professional help
don't be afraid
i was afraid also
but i see a variety of many pretty colors now
not just black
i was once dead
but now i am back

hold your hand out into the air
i am there cause i care
trust me honestly
i repeat, trust me
set yourself free

Tags: Depression Mental Illness Poem

REMISSION - 12/11/09

has life been all that you dreamed?
has it left you torn at the seams?
have you emptied your lungs in the form of screams?
as you were ripped to shreds by bad life choices

something has been missing within me
a huge void, a crater the size of the moon
the missing item has been the words, inner peace
cause of my emotional highs and lows
in which i was a puppet to

they controlled me
forcing me into negative places
head down, i know its hard to believe
they would put the bag over my head
i couldn't control them
no one really understands
tying me to the whipping post of deception
they controlled me, sadly

i know what i can be now
medicine has blessed me and pushed me forward
not looking back at the car crash of a few bad years
levelity is now my favorite word
this word is married to happiness to me

fighting my guts out to survive a fight
that i would've never won in a million years
it was an all out death match
i was on the bottom in a headlock
receiving punches to my face with no way out

i survived somehow
i believe in all that i dream now
cause my dreams are becoming reality
not being tortured by MYSELF ANYMORE
the demons have gone into remission

i do still cause myself a fright
thinking those dreaded words "What If"
but you see, i will be more prepared for war
i am the newly crowned rich man, darkness is poor
a poor excuse for existence
but its all i knew for my whole life
when backs were turned to me

Tags: Depression Mental Illness Poem

WASTED - 11/02/09

another part of me just died
the journey is over
lost contact with the base
plunging toward the earth
thinking about my life span as i descend down
thinking about my inception to this final minute

it was a hell of a ride
but so very very sad
to think that i thought i was actually living freely
but it wasn't even close

fought tornado's caused by other sick family members
battled high winds caused by insane emotions
high temps of summer burned my core like anger
i thought this was a normal life

tricked to believe that i had a life
but i never owned it for myself
it wasn't owned by god either
cause i didn't know he existed until later on in life

as taps plays for this lonely part of me
it breathes its last breathe
in raging anger and raging sadness
the anger turns my skin red like blood
sadness fills my eyes with blue love

cursing the life that i had
cursing how hard i tried to change it
cursing the struggle that came with it
cursing the struggle WITHIN
that only got diagnosed this last year

Sad for others that loved me
Sad for myself
Sad for being depressed way to often
somber thinking about wasted years

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