Well, here we are again...Mental Health is once again in the media's conciousness, and all the old stigma's are being re-ignited..."This Nut-Job", "Fruitcake", "Wack-o"...This is how the "NORMAL" Folk relate to those with a history of mental-health problems, ignored by the system...the very system that help to create a society that is in denial of how many of it's citizens, especially it's youth, are suffering from a very real condition that is every bit as real as any other disease...

Unfortunately, since Ronald Reagan's days, when he cut the budget and closed all the mental health facilities, the problem has been festering, with Columbines' and all the other shootfests reminding  us of the state of our ill-union.

I myself struggled for almost 40 years before a diagnosis set me free to get the help I didn't know I needed...Ask any of us getting help and we'll tell you how many people we run into that have deep-seated issues that arn't getting help...One of the reasons I Isolate is because I know how much insanity is out there in the world...When I do watch the local news (where-ever I may be) I am reminded of the senseless insanity that man visits on his fellow man...(men, women, children, et al.)

The one good thing that has emerged from this most recent tradgety is that some politicians are speaking about the defficiencies in our mental health treatment system...for instance, how can you train a man to be a killer, in the name of God & Country, use him for a few years to kill, then bring him back to the states and dump him on the streets of a society that doesn't have a place for him, or in which he can not cope?

We spend Zillions on War and weaponry, yet ignore the well-being of our citizens...and when those who lose-it do so, they are summerized and catagorized as being "Nut-cases", "Fruit-cakes" and "Wack-jobs"...Now that's what I call intelligent design!!

It's been a long time since George Bush Sr. called for a "Kinder,Gentler" country, and it lasted about as long as the "War on Poverty", with the same results...NADA...Maybe this time, God?  I for one hope so....(sorry about the spelling & grammer, what do you expect from a high-functioning idiot ??)

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THAT WAS THE STATEMENT I GOT FROM A FELLOW 'SUFFERER'...HE DOES NOTHING TO ALLEVIATE HIS PAIN, BUT INSTEAD FEEDS IT WITH SELF-LOATHING, RECRIMMINATION, AND GUILT.  HE AND HIS WIFE CAME TO VISIT THIS WEEKEND. HE USUALLY COMES ALONE AND WE TALK THINGS OUT AND I'M ABLE TO SHARE INSIGHTS WITH HIM. WE USED TO WORK AS RADIO DJ'S, YEARS AGO. ONE DAY I WENT TO VISIT HIM AND COULD READ THE MISERY ON HIS FACE, BUT SAID NOTHING, AS I MYSELF WAS UNDIAGNOSED AND IGNORANT TO WHAT I WAS SEEING. YEARS WENT BY, AS I ISOLATED AND HID FROM MY SHAME...SOMEHOW, PROBABLY FROM READING, I EMERGED FROM MY SHELL AND STARTED SEARCHING FOR FRIENDS TO SHARE MY EXPERIANCE AND APOLOGIZE FOR MY DISAPPEARANCE. TO MY SUPRISE, AFTER TELLING MY STORY TO THIS FRIEND, HE EXPLAINED THAT HE HAD GONE THROUGH THE SAME THING, HAD QUIT HIS JOB AND, THOUGH MARRIED, TOOK TO HIS HOUSE LIKE A BEAR IN HIBERNATION.

UNLIKE ME, HE WASN'T SEEKING ANY HELP OR ENLIGHTENMENT. I GUESS HE PREFFERED WHAT MOST MEN SEEM TO DO, HOLD IT IN TIL IT KILLS THEM...A SAD SORT OF 'COMFORT-ZONE'....I BEGAN A QUEST TO HELP HIM, AND AT FIRST HE WAS OPEN AND EXCITED ABOUT LIBERATING HIMSELF FROM THE BEAST AND WE TALKED OR E-MAILED EACH OTHER ALMOST DAILY...THAT WAS BACK IN 2001.

I SENT HIM BOOKS, ARTICLES, EVEN MUSIC TO HELP EDUCATE HIM AND EASE HIS PAIN. ALONG THE WAY I NOTICED SOME RESISTENCE DEVELOPING...HE BECAME NEGATIVE AND STARTED TO DEFEND HIS INABILITY TO GROW...IN ESSENCE, YOU COULD SAY HE WAS ENJOYING HIS MISERY AND FEEDING IT, AFRAID TO REALLY DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT...THE PHONE CALLS AND E-MAILS GOT FEWER AND FAR BETWEEN AS HIS RESISTENCE TO CHANGE GREW. WHEN I ASKED HIM HOW HIS WIFE WAS DEALING WITH HIS RAGE AND OTHER SYMPTOMS HE REPLIED THAT SHE JUST IGNORED THEM....NOW HERE'S THE REALLY STRANGE PART OF THE EQUATION; THE GUY IS A MUSICIAN, AND A DAMN GOOD ONE, HE JUST BOUGHT A NEW MOTORCYCLE AND RIDES FREQUENTLY, HE'LL BUCK-UP AND DO SOCIAL FUNCTIONS, IN PART BECAUSE HIS WIFE PUSHES HIM, BUT BECAUSE HE LIVES IN A SMALL TOWN, AND HAS ALL OF HIS LIFE, HIS PRIDE (1 of the 7 deadly sins) KEEPS HIM FROM FINDING HELP...HE'S AFRAID SOMEBODY WILL FIND OUT...TALK ABOUT THE POWER OF STIGMA, THIS GUY'S AFRAID OF THE STIGMA OF STIGMA...YET, HE WILL DO NOTHING TO CHANGE HIS WORLD....HE LIVES IN THE PAST, AND THE FUTURE, NOT IN THE NOW!!!  HIS DIET IS KILLING HIM (all the processed food) HE DRINKS A POT OF COFFEE EVERY MORNING, THEN PACES INSIDE THE HOUSE LIKE A "CAGED LION", YET DOESN'T 'COP' TO THE FACT THAT HE'S WORSENING HIS CONDITION...

WHILE VISITING, HE DISCLOSED THAT HIS CONDITION IS GETTING WORSE AND USED THE "SMALL TOWN PRIDE THING" AS HIS FAMILIAR EXCUSE FOR NOT STARTING OR FINDING A MENS GROUP, CITING THE FAMILIAR "HELL, DAVE, YOU KNOW MOST MEN WON'T ADMIT THAT ANYTHINGS WRONG" TO WHICH I OFFERED TO HELP HIM START AN ONLINE 'MEN WITH DEPRESSION' BLOG. YOU COULD FEEL HIS HESITATION..NO WAY!!

I LOVE THIS GUY AS ONE OF MY DEAREST FRIENDS, HE'S INTELLIGENT, FUNNY, AND HAS SO MUCH TO OFFER. MY QUESTION IS, WHAT IS IT WITH MEN THAT STUNTS THEIR GROWTH? FEAR? WHY AREN'T WE SEEING AND HEARING FROM MORE OF THEM ON THIS SITE?  DON'T THEY REALIZE THEY EXHIBIT MORE WEAKNESS FROM NOT DEALING WITH THE PROBLEMS THAN FROM HIDING FROM THEM?

IT MUST BE TRUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT FAMILIARITY BREEDING CONTEMP, BECAUSE THATS WHAT I'M GETTING FROM HIM...WHAT USED TO BE OUR BOND IS NOW OUR WALL, AND THOUGH I KNOW ABOUT ACCEPTING WHAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE, I ALSO BELIEVE IN THE ABILITY TO CHANGE WHAT YOU CAN...SO I GUESS I'M STUCK WITH THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE...C'MON MEN, OPEN UP, HELP YOUR BROTHERS...SURELY, WITH ALL THATS HAPPENING WITH OUR ECONOMY AND LOST JOBS, HOMES, ETC., THERE ARE MILLIONS OF MEN OUT THERE SUFFERING....WAKE UP BOYS, TALK ABOUT IT!!!  DON'T JUST "KEEP IT INSIDE"

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OF COURSE I LIFTED THAT TITLE FROM JACK KORNFIELD'S BOOK, BUT FOR GOOD REASON....I AM TRYING DESPARATELY TO FIND A WAY TO BE AT ONE WITH MY CONDITION(S) AND SO I READ...I GET A LOT OF "AH-HA" MOMENTS, YET PUTTING THEM TO USE WHEN LOST IN MYSELF OFTEN BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE...BUT I GO BACK TO THEM AND RE-READ THEM CONTINUALLY, HOPING THAT I'LL LEARN HOW TO USE THESE NUGGETS TO ALTER MY BEHAVIOUR, ALONG WITH AN ETERNAL HOPE THAT SOMEDAY I'LL GET IT!!! I'VE LEARNED TO ACCEPT THAT THIS WORLD IS WHAT IT IS, AND THAT MY PLACE IN IT IS AS A 'WITNESS'.  THE PROBLEM (LIKE MOST OF US) IS WHEN I TRY TO FIND THE MEANING BEHIND THE MADNESS, WHICH RECENTLY BROUGHT ME TO THE WORD 'SURRENDER'. NOT TO LAY DOWN AND DIE, BUT TO ACCEPT THOSE THINGS, PEOPLE, AND CONDITIONS THAT I CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT. FOR YEARS I THOUGHT I HAD THE ANSWERS TO EVERYTHING, ONLY TO DISCOVER I ONLY HAD MY LITTLE 'ANSWERS' THAT MADE ME FEEL COMFORTABLE, BY PUTTING MY LITTLE ANSWERS IN MY EGO BOX AND FILING THEM IN MY CONTROL BOX...MY COMFORT ZONE..I CAN'T FIX THE WORLD, HELL I CAN'T FIX MYSELF, BUT I CAN LEARN HOW TO LIVE, REALIZING AND ACCEPTING MY LIMITATIONS AND LEARNING TO FORGIVE...I'M WORKING ON 'THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL' (according to whitney houstons' song) TO LOVE AND FORGIVE MYSELF, AND SOMETIMES I GET AS FAR AS ACCEPTING THAT I'M NOT A BAD PERSON....IN FACT, THAT GENERALLY, I'M A GOOD PERSON, WITH A WARM FEELING OF COMPASSION FOR HUMANITY. I'M TRYING TO LOSE THE JUDGEMENTAL STATE THAT COMES SO EASILY TO MOST, AND AGAIN, ACCEPT PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE AND TRY TO CONJURE A FEELING AKIN TO WHAT MUST BE CALLED LOVE...LOVE IS A BIG WORD, IT ENCOMPASSES SUCH A LARGE AREA OF HUMAN EXISTANCE, AND YET, SO LITTLE IS REALLY KNOWN ABOUT IT, AT LEAST TO ME. SO TELL ME FELLOW BROTHERS' AND SISTERS' OF NKM2, TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW OF LOVE AND HELP ME GROW...BECAUSE AFTER THE ECSTACY COMES THE LAUNDRY!!

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MANY OF YOU MAY REMEMBER THAT SONG BY THE CARPENTERS' AS BEING A DEPRESSING SONG...WELL, HAVING COME TO THE UNDERSTANDING (after,like 60 years on this plane) THAT LIFE IS REALLY ALL ABOUT CHOICES, I HAVE CHOSEN TO CELEBRATE RAINY DAYS & MONDAYS, RATHER THAN, AS THE SONG SAYS, LET THEM "ALWAYS BRING ME DOWN"...OF COURSE, BEING RETIRED (retarted; as my friends joke) I HAVE THE TIME LUXURY THAT MOST FOLKS DON'T, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT...THE POINT IS I'VE CHANGED MY CHOICE ON HOW TO VIEW THOSE DAYS, REMEMBER LIFE IS ABOUT CHOICES...AND WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IT OR NOT, YOUR MIND MAKES THE CHOICES WITH OR WITHOUT YOU...

HERE'S A CHALLENGE TO PROVE MY POINT ABOUT CHOICES; THE NEXT TIME YOU FEEL YOUR NEGATIVE SELF TAKING OVER..LET ME REPHRASE THAT, THE NEXT TIME YOU ARE AWARE THAT THE TAKE-OVER IS EITHER COMING ON OR YOU RECOGNIZE THAT IT'S IN EFFECT, CONSCIOUSLY STOP AND ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU ARE IN THE NEGATIVE STATE...DON'T TRY TO DO ANYTHING TO CHANGE IT AT FIRST, JUST WATCH AND SEE IF YOU CAN BE AWARE OF IT..IF YOU TRY, OFTEN ENOUGH, SOONER OR LATER YOU'LL CATCH A GLIMPSE OF THE DEMON...YOU'LL NOTICE THE PHYSICAL DIFFERENCE FROM WHEN YOU'RE FEELING "NORMAL". THAT AWARENESS WILL BE STEP ONE ON THE PATH OF RECOGNIZING THE UNCONSCIOUSNESS OF YOUR MIND, (THATS ON AUTO-PILOT) AND THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF THAT SAME MIND (WHICH REQUIRES EFFORT TO TURN OFF THE AUTO-PILOT).

THIS ISN'T EASY, AND MANY TIMES I FIND MY FIRST REPONSE TO, SAY, MONDAY, IS "OH SHIT, IT'S MONDAY" BUT I CHECK MYSELF AND CONSCIOUSLY REPEAT THAT MONDAYS NOW REPRESENT A CHOICE TO ME AND I CHOSE WHAT AND HOW I WILL ENJOY THE DAY. SOMETIMES, I'LL DECIDE NOT TO DO ANYTHING ON MONDAYS, KNOWING HOW EVERYBODY IS RUNNING AROUND TRYING TO CATCH-UP FROM THE WEEKEND, MOST MONDAYS I WON'T EVEN GO OUT..ENJOYING THE DAY READING, WATCHING A MOVIE, LISTENING TO MUSIC ALL DAY, OR LIKE TODAY, SHARING MY THOUGHTS HERE, ON THE NET...ENJOYING MY MONDAY...LOOKING FORWARD TO A RAINY DAY!!!  CHOICES...MAKE SOME....DAVEY THE 'RETIRED' (retarted) BOOMER   P.S. WHY DOESN'T THIS THING HAVE SPELL-CHECK FOR THE HIGH-FUNCTIONING IDIOTS LIKE ME? 

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 WELL GANG, HERE WE ARE AGAIN....THE HOLIDAYS...

FIRST OFF, I WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL OF MY FREINDS FOR NOT EVEN CONTACTING THEM THIS YEAR...NOT ONCE...IT'S NOT BECAUSE I'M A SNOB, OR ANYTHING "UP-ITTY" LIKE THAT, IT'S JUST THAT IT'S SO AWKWARD TO BREAK OUT OF ONE'S COMFORT ZONE AND SAY "HEY, HOW YOU DOIN'"  

AND THOSE OF YOU WHO'VE VISITED MY LITTLE PAGE WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A "SUP?", KNOW WHAT I MEAN...SO, LET'S MAKE IT SIMPLE, FROM NOW ON, IF I VISIT ANYONE'S PAGE I'M GONNA AT LEAST SAY "HEY" AND YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME...NO PRESSURE TO GO INTO WHO,WHAT, OR WHERE, 'CUZ WE ALL KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE, AND FOR MANY OF US IT'S BECAUSE WE HAVE NO ONE ELSE WHO UNDERSTANDS OUR UNIQUE'NESS....  

SO I JUST WANNA SHARE AN UPLIFTING THOUGHT WITH YOU ABOUT WHAT WE ARE GOING THROUGH AND HOPE YOU MAKE IT THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS...TAKE SOLACE IN THE FACT THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE, AND THAT WE SHARE THE COMMON THREAD OF HUMANITY...IF NOTHING ELSE, BE KIND TO EACH OTHER, AND DON'T JUDGE...ACCEPTANCE IS THE KEY...HAPPY EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE !!! 

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